I'd like to give a big warm welcome to the amazing author of Wellesley Wives... Suzy Duffy!
Thank you so much Suzy for stopping by today and talking about Best Friends and how important they are!
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The ABC on VBFs
There are BFs (best friends) then there are VBFs (Very best friends) and now I hear the kids talking about VBFF (Very best friends forever) and it makes me wonder… Can true friendship last forever?
I hope you have a few good friends. Every gal needs that, but the VBF is an altogether different prospect. Sometimes, if you’re very lucky, you come across a friend that takes the concept of friendship to a whole new level. They are one of life’s greatest blessings and you need to treasure them.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself to establish whether or not you have a VBF.
Think of the woman you consider to be your best friend.
Does she phone/call into you even when it’s your turn to call her? Yes/no
Does she know your pet’s name? Yes/no
Does she know the date of your birthday? Yes/no
Does she know the names of all your children? Yes/no
Does she celebrate your joys with you, acknowledging and
then suppressing all feelings of envy? Yes/no
Does she hug you and tell you, “it’ll get better,” when things are bad? Yes/no
Did/would she support you when you break/broke up with your man? Yes/no
Does she make you laugh? Yes/no
Does she agree with you about your mother? Yes/no
Does she agree with you about most things? Yes/no
Okay, now you can rate your friends! If you hit yes, maybe three or four times – congratulations, you have a friend. That’s good. A BF will score much higher; in the six – eight range.
But a VBF will score a perfect ten. There is one catch, however. If somebody is a VBF to you, you really should be one back. (Do you know her kids’ names??) They may not have been with you since Kindergarten and they don’t have to be your oldest friend in the world. It’s a question of intimacy. How well do they know and accept you - and you them?
Sadly, relocating can put a serious strain on a friendship. I know this to my own cost. Nothing drastic has to happen, but as soon as you aren’t a big part of each other’s lives, you begin to drift apart. That’s hard and it’s something you really need to take into account if you’re considering a move. The good news is you can make new friends in a new town and you don’t actually, ‘break up,’ with old ones, you just develop a long distant relationship.
I can’t stress the importance of female friends for women (don’t quote me on this but I think they might be even more important, in some respects than husbands!) You can vent. Scream, holler, complain – it doesn’t even have to be rational - as it does with husbands. You can eat a big chocolate cake together while laughing and joking and then complain about having gained three pounds! She’ll agree and probably feel likewise. If you’re down, she should be able to help you get out of it – even a little. It all helps. If you’re celebrating, she’ll certainly be the one by your side, singing your praises and toasting your achievement.
Life is full of ups and downs. The VBF will make the highs higher and the lows higher too. Even when there’s nothing going on and things are a bit dull, the VBF will help you find some fun.
A friend can become a BF and a BF can become a VBF with effort. You have to work on your female friendships just as much as you do any other relationship. Care for your friends. Learn their pet’s name! Remember their birthday and cherish them. They’re one of life’s great gifts.
My VBF is in Dublin and now I’m in Boston. Despite our best efforts, I can feel us drifting apart. Sometimes we go weeks without talking. We try to stay connected but living so far apart, well - it’s been three years and I know we’ve grown apart. Part of me knows I have to let her go because it’s the only way I’ll truly settle here. My Mom lost her VBF to cancer. I don’t mean to sadden you. I’m just saying this to remind you to make the most of every day. Celebrate your close friendships.
Treasure them. I’m getting closer to people here and my Mom has new friends too.
So can true friendship last forever? Perhaps, if you’re incredibly lucky. More often, life moves on and we move with it. But can you have and be a VBF? That’s a definite yes! After you’ve read this article, call your VBF and tell her how wonderful she is.
Lots of love,
Your friend, Suzy
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Wellesley Wives, Duffy’s debut U.S. book release, is the first in a New England based trilogy of novels. She is currently working on the second installment, Newton Neighbors.
Wellesley Wives is currently available for pre-order via The Writer’s Coffee Shop Publishing House, and will be available via all major online retailers as of September 27, 2012.
Find Suzy Duffy on Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads, Pinterest, her website and on The Writer’s Coffee Shop Publishing House site.
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Make sure you check out Wellesly Wives! It's an amazing Chick-lit book that had me laughing, crying, and hoping for the best right along with these amazing, strong, and passionate women!
Happy Reading!
Oh, Suzy, that was sad. I have lived abroad for most of my adult life and I have a VBF in Sweden. We don't e-mail that often but we are lucky enough to meet about three times a year. And then everything is like it always was and we can tell each other everything and share feelings, sadness and laughter. It's as if we have never been apart.
ReplyDeleteI alos have a VBF in the US, where I am at the moment and we meet even less often. But when we do, nothing has changed and we are as close as ever. So... don't despair you haven't lost your VBF, she is there, waiting for you and you will pick up your friendship again and be as close as ever. Living in a foreign country is very hard but rest assured that your friends back home, you real friends, will never forget you and friendships that a real and true do last forever.